Archive for March, 2009

look

Posted in random on March 24, 2009 by alissaclare

Neil didn’t think my new site reflected who I really am, I think he’s half right since I started the new site when I was a little bit depressed.  So I’m splitting the difference with him and decided to change it.  Slightly.

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sylvia jennifer

Posted in home on March 17, 2009 by alissaclare

I am officially an auntie again.   Although I didn’t have a preference as to a niece or nephew, I’m glad that my nieces will get to experience the joy of sisters.

 

Sylvia Jennifer

7lbs

6oz

19″

letting go

Posted in self on March 16, 2009 by alissaclare

It really is harder than I thought.

financial peace

Posted in home on March 11, 2009 by alissaclare

For the past 6 weeks or so, we’ve been doing Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.  I was thinking about getting an FPU tattoo on my forehead to advertise the program, that’s how much I love it.

Granted, we’re not very far, but we have a plan, and we can fantasize about what life will be like when we have absolutely no debt.  I remember watching the video the first week, a couple was talking about how they were just a few months away from PAYING OFF THEIR HOUSE.  I turned to E and said “I want to know how to do that”.  Seriously.  Do you know of ANYONE else who has gone down to one income and is excited about their finances?

So yeah, it’s going to take us a while, but I seriously look forward to doing our budget and paying our bills now, I can’t wait to see the credit cards fall off one by one, to see our savings grow and to bask in the comfort that is financial freedom.

My current worry?  What will I worry about when I don’t need to worry about money?

I’ll figure something out.

gratitude

Posted in self on March 5, 2009 by alissaclare

I was reading this article earlier today.

This paragraph really stood out for me:

Gratitude has a lot to do with life satisfaction, psychologists say. Talking and writing about what they’re grateful for amplifies adults’ happiness, new studies show. Other researchers have found that learning to savor even small pleasures has the same effect.

So, to look back on when I need it most, here is my list of things I’m grateful for.

  1. An amazing, supportive husband full of integrity.
  2. A home that I love, with neighbors I adore.
  3. A stable job where I feel challenged.
  4. Living well below our means, so that we’re able to live on just my income.
  5. A family that is loving and accepting.
  6. In-laws that I love and adore.
  7. A niece and nephew that brighten my darkest days.
  8. A warm, comfy bed.
  9. Fantastic friends, near and far.
  10. A passion for cooking.
  11. Book club.
  12. My health.
  13. Phone calls with my sisters.
  14. A city I love that is strong and has seen worse things than this economy, and prevailed.
  15. My ability to forgive.
  16. Compassion.
  17. Small Group.
  18. A fury dog that loves to snuggle.
  19. Excitment for the future.
  20. Peace with the past.

up/down

Posted in self on March 2, 2009 by alissaclare

I’ve battled depression in the past.  For the past 6+ years I’ve been on medication for it from time to time, but about 6 months ago I stopped taking my medication.  I was confident in my ability to cope, life was good, or at least steady even in the times when it was stressful.  I had been in aggressive therapy and learned a new set of tools deal with the ups and downs of my mental state.  Also?  We’re looking to start a family soon and I wanted to make sure I had a good 6 months under my belt to see how I did.  And for the most part?  I’ve been great.

However, it’s a time of year when my mental state sometimes gets the best on me, blame it on the season and the itching desire to see some sun and green, or the fact that my birthday is right around the corner which means I’m a year older, or the fact that a couple of years ago, this was a very hard time of year for me for a host of reasons I’m not willing to dive into just yet.  Like clockwork though, yesterday, March 1st I felt the train hit me.  I’m ok, I’ve got some great tools remember?  But it’s hard not to get wrapped up in my own mind, not to worry that I’ll feel like this forever, when really I know, I won’t feel like this forever.

So I’m struggling with acceptance.  The acceptance that this is just the way things are, I have my ups and downs and I need to learn to just roll with it.  Accept it as a part of me, embrace it maybe?  At the very least, realize this is a part of who I am, and most likely something I will continue to struggle with for the rest of my life.  And that’s ok.  

But I’m realizing I need a touchstone of sorts, some way to remember the good things when I’m in a bad place.  Some way to remember what if feels like when my mind isn’t in its deepest corners, some way to see the sliver of light in all of this.  So I need to figure this out.  How to create a piece of hope, and store it in that dark place so that when I’m blinded, I can find it again.